Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Wednesday at Lila's Pleasure Palace

Hello all you lovely people! My name is Lila and I write erotic romance. As I pondered what to do for my guest bogging day, I realized that I should play to my strengths, which DO NOT include blogging about my writing process, trends in romance, or my latest releases.

Instead I’m going to take you on a little trip to my Pleasure Palace, an amazing place that exists in the cluttered mess of my head. This is where my characters hang out, my alter ego(s?) wander around muttering to themselves, and sometimes, where I bring my friends to play. One of my favorite things to do is write wacky little stories featuring people I know as characters. This is all done in fun and jest, don’t take any of it seriously, please.

In honor of my guest blogging for Jacki, I’m going to write a little story featuring Jacki’s fans, who are some bad-ass cool chicks. (They’re also eye-candy crazy nymphomaniacs but that’s a whole ‘nother 12-step thing I didn’t want to get into.)

Just for the record, they volunteered.

And, as if that wasn’t enough, I’m doing a contest.
Nothing as cool as Amy’s (she’s in this story btw) but still a contest. All you have to do is post a comment! I’m offering up two copies of my book Forbidden, one electronic, one print, an a copy of my new short story, Sealed with a Kiss, which was beta read by one of the women mentioned below. If you already have a copy of Forbidden (you wonderful, wonderful person) I’ll send you a copy of the second book in the series, Savage, as soon as it’s released.



A Tale of Lusty Romance Readers

The door opened, screams poured out, and Susan almost turned and ran. One freckly arm reached out and snagged her by the waistband of her jeans, dragging her in. The massive wood door closed behind her with the finality of a dungeon door in a bad Gothic horror novel.

“Susan, we are so excited you decided to come.” The owner of the freckly arm, a slightly deranged brunette, and the own of this gothic monstrosity of a dwelling, smiled…looking rather insane as she did so.

“Um, sure, I mean it’s really sweet of you to invite me, but I don’t know about…” Susan had never really been sure about her hostess, who always seemed a bit… off, and the screams were really the last straw. This was a bad idea.

“Don’t worry about anything, I know we may seem a bit over the top, but we’re harmless!” Lila smiled just as a second wavering screamed echoed from the bowels of the castle-like house.

Harmless my left tit.

“I think I might have left my car on…”

“Nope, you’re fine, come on in.”

Lila curled her arm around Susan’s waist and led her through the house.

“As I was saying, we are all really excited you decided to join us. We’re just a bunch of fun loving gals who like to read romance. Totally harmless.”

They headed down a hall lined with larger than life size pictures of bronzed, toned, naked men.

“Those are, uh, nice.” Susan said, trying to make conversation. Where were they going? When was the last time she’d updated her will?

“We do love our eye candy.” Lila said, patting a painting’s naked butt as they passed. “Wait until you meet the models.”

“Meet them?”

“Yep, those pictures are all of the live-in eye candy/love slaves.”

“What?” Susan squeaked.

Lila pushed open a gilded door at the end of the hallway and urged Susan in, saying, “Welcome to the playroom!”

The vaulted ceiling had a gothic feel, though a plethora of velvet draping and clutters of seating kept it from being cold. There was church like hush, broken only by the sound of tapping keys.

Lila led her toward the source of the sound. Curled in an alcove, NASA-level laptop across her knees, was a gorgeous woman with a long fall of slinky black hair and exotically tilted eyes. She wore a pink t-shirt that said: Erotic Romance Readers Make Better Lovers. As they grew closer Susan could hear the woman muttering to herself.

“Oh yea, 50 words, that’s how we do it. Sixty words, do her again, harder, harder…”

“Ah, well, this is Y, but she’s flashing right now, so let’s come back.” Lila said, smiling at the maniacal looking woman

Susan looked back over her shoulder as Lila led her away, the brunette’s voice rising with sex-passion as she screamed, “99… 100!” and collapsed onto the couch, panting.

They skirted a cluster of couches and headed for a door in the wall. It was only then that Susan noticed the series of doors evenly spaced around the perimeter of the main room. As they got closer Susan could just make out the sound of a faint rhythmic slapping.

“Um, what’s that sound?”

“What I’m about to show you is one of our two training rooms. The first is for us, more of a play area really, where we experiment with anything and everything. There are some hardcore erotic romance readers, as well as authors, who hang out here, and sometimes our reading inspires us to experiment.”

Lila opened the door and gave Susan a helpful shove inside.

The rhythmic slapping sound came from a slender brunette wielding a thick strop. She applied it with steady precision to the upturned buttocks of a wriggling girl, who was draped over the lap of a blond Adonis. A tall, gorgeous, muscle roped black man stood with his arms folded, observing the threesome.

“Amy, Christine, how are you ladies doing?”

The brunette with the strop looked up and smiled, “Oh just fine. This is so much fun!”

The girl receiving the spanking tilted her head up and mumbled at them through her gag.

“Nod once for yes, Christine,” Amy reminded the other woman, punctuating the order with a smack to her ass. Christine’s eyes rolled in ecstasy and she nodded, wiggling on the blonde’s lap.

“Amy,” the watching man murmured, low voice rumbling like distant thunder. “You must never allow yourself to become distracted and stop the punishment.” He snatched Amy around the waist, pushed her down over Christine, and gave her a few hard swats. When he allowed her to rise Amy’s face held a dreamy expression. She swayed into the man and whispered, “Thank you Rohaj.”

He shook his head and pointed at Christine’s pink butt. “Focus, woman. Don’t forget that after her you have to do Kort.”

Rohaj pointed at a contraption against the far wall. It looked like a leather wrapped saw horse, though most saw horses didn’t have naked women tied face down over them.

Lila frowned, “Amy, how long have those nipple clamps been on Kort?”

“Um, 20 minutes.”

“Amy,” she scolded, “you should know better, go take care of her.” Lila turned her attention to the blond who held Christine and ordered him to continue the punishment with open-palm spanking.

Amy, looking sheepish, made her way over to Kort and pulled off the nipple clamps, eliciting a yelp from Kort.

Susan watched, wide eyed, as Amy, with a diabolical smile, pulled out a foot long string with large beads evenly spaced along it. She started tapping on Lila’s shoulder as Amy smoothed her hand over Kort’s ass before prying the cheeks apart and popping the first bead in.

“Um… Lila?” she whispered as Kort wriggled and squealed.

Unfortunately, Lila was arguing with Rohaj.

“You were supposed to be helping Amy,” she scolded the man.

“I’m not talking to you,” he rumbled, folding him arms.

“Oh grow up, it’s not my fault.”

“How is it not your fault? You’re the author.”

“It just works better if your book is the last one in the series.”

“It will be at least a year before you get to me.”

“Quit whining, I’m letting you hang out here and play with them, aren’t I.? You can go hang out with Rhi after this.”

“I’m still not pleased with you.”

“Keep it up and you’ll end up with a crippling thigh wound that keeps you out of action for half your book.”

“Lila!” Susan yelped as Amy started yanking the beads back out of Kort. Bent over the bench, thrashing about as if she were being skewered, Kort was moaning and whimpering like crazy.

Lila finally turned her attention to Amy, but rather than stop her, she smiled. “Fun with anal beads you two?”

Amy yanked the last one out and Kort screamed in orgasm. “Oh yes!”

“Be good, you’re scaring Susan.”

Lila wrapped her arm around Susan’s waist and led her from the room. As the door closed she looked back over her shoulder, to where Christine was still receiving her spanking. That did look like fun…

The next room Lila took her too had a decidedly less friendly feel. The walls were done in black and mirrors, a few posters with sayings like, “Real men know how to eat pussy” and “CBT: fun for all” hanging on the walls.

A regal blond with a long mane of hair sat on a throne made out of hot guys. Susan blinked and then looked at the chair again. Yep, it was definitely a throne of eye candy, a man on hands and knees serving as the seat, a pair of bound, standing, brunettes made up the back, and twin blonds kneeling so she could use their shoulders as arm rests.

Lined up on their knees in front of the blond woman was a bedraggled row of men. A few were lumpy, some rather bedraggled, others quite muscle-y.

“Are these eye-candy boys in training?” Susan asked.

“Nope, this is remedial sex for husbands.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yea, though some of the boys… the military ones, could be eye candy if the girls would give them up, but I digress. Romance readers have higher standards for their lovers, we know what good sex is, and won’t settle for lame, uncreative, orgasm-less sex. That’s where Stephanie comes in.”

The blond on the man-throne smiled as she played with the nipple ring of one of her armrests. “Hi Susan, are you married?”

Like I’d tell you if I was. “Um, nope.”

“Well if you do marry, and need him trained up, send him my way.” She uncurled a long bull whip and flicked the dangling cock of one of the kneeling men. He yelped. “They always behave after I’m done with them.”

“You need anything Steph?” Lila asked.

“Could you send me two dozed red candles, some ice cubes, and six rolls of electrical tape?”

“Sure thing, girl.”

“Thanks Lila!”

They waved and left Steph to her training.

“If you want to get a real look at the eye candy let me take you to their quarters.” Lila led her to another room, this one dominated by a large in-ground pool. Floating on a raft shaped like a lily pad was another self-satisfied looking romance reader. The self satisfied look may have had something to do with the fact that two toned eye-candy love slaves stood waist deep in the water on either side of her lily pad sucking her nipples.

“Froggy,” Lila chastised, “I thought I told you to let the boys rest when they are in here.”

The woman on the raft lifted one eyelid, “But look at my cool new raft. I had to test it out somewhere!”

Shaking her head Lila led Susan on a quick tour of the eye-candy’s quarters, showing her the extensive gym, chest waxing area, and decked out photography studio. They stopped to watch a few of the eye candy models posing together, flexing muscled ass cheeks for the camera.

“Is it, uh, kinda warm in here?” Susan asked, plucking at the front of her shirt.

“Suuuure…we’ll go with that. Wanna see the rest?”

“There’s more?”

“Oh yea.”

This time, when they exited the room and returned to the main chamber, they were just in time to see a brunette run screaming across the floor.

“Nooo! I won’t do it! I won’t watch!”

Hot on her heels was a medieval woodsman, complete with bow and arrow. He caught the brunette around the waist, flung her over his shoulder, administered a sharp spanking, and started carting her off.

“What’s going on?” Susan asked.

“That’s Ange, she’s beta reading my re-telling of the Sleeping Beauty story and keeps flipping out when she gets to the part where Aurora has some girl on girl action.”

“Oh, and the guy?”

Prince Phillip, thought I call him Hawk.”

“I won’t do it!” Ange shouted as he carried her away, “I want Ocean back! I liked him!”

Shaking her head at Ange, Lila lead Susan to on of the final remaining doors. This one Lila opened tentatively, which was scary for it’s own reasons.

“Jen? Woo? Is it safe?”

“Yep, come on in!”

They eased into a workshop liberally draped with chords and wires. Several banks of computers dominated one wall. Two women and three men occupied the space.

“Susan, this is Jen,” she motioned to the slightly maniacal looking women holding a pair of jumper cables, “And this is Woo.” Woo, holding an electrode, waved, before affixing the electrode to the nipple of the man they had strapped down to a table. The second man was standing behind Jen massaging her breasts, while the third was under the table, doing something interesting to the non-visible parts of Woo.

“These two are in charge of all sex-toy creation. Inspired by the ipod vib, they’re working on other computer related toys.”

“Watch this,” Jen said, she turned to her computer, tapped a few keys, and the man on the table jerked, moaning in pleasure as his cock sprang to attention. “Instant erection. Cool huh?”

Lila led her out as Woo jumped up on the table to take care of the lab-rat’s condition.

“We have just one more stop, and I think you’re going to like this one,” Lila said, opening the door into a sunlit room.

“A library,” Susan whispered reverently.

“Oh yea, and it’s filled with nothing but romance.”

“Really?” A sharp smack broke the silence. Lila and Susan rounded a book case and found a trio of library goers.

“I’ll ask you again,” one of the two eye candy studs said. “Is the answer A, B, or C?”

The girl was seated in a hard back wood chair, wearing a white button up, short plaid skirt, and glasses. She anxiously studied the test paper infront of her. “B.”

The man sighed, motioning to his companion. “Wrong again Kat.”

“Wait, wait, it’s A!”

“Of course it is, you already guessed B and C.”

The second man pulled Kat out of her chair, bent her forward over the table, holding her down with a hand at her back. He flipped up her skirt, pulled down her panties, and swatted her already red ass with a ruler. He then pulled her panties up, smoother her skirt down and helped Kat back into her seat.

“What are they doing?” Susan asked.

“Helping her with her studies.”

Kat incorrectly answered another question and was once again bent over the table to receive a ruler spanking on her buttocks. Susan watch with growing arousal, discovering a previously unexplored fetish for ruler spanking. When Lila urged her forward, Susan went eagerly.

“Hello boys, Kat.”

“Hello Lila,” they chorused.

“Kat looks like she’s having trouble today, what do you say we give her pretty bottom a break and use a whipping girl instead?”

Lila’s words registered just as the eye candy boys’ hands plucked away Susan’s clothing. She gasped and wiggled as she was bent down over the table as Kat had been, moaning in pleasure as firm male hands stroked her back, ass, and legs.

Lila leaned over and gave her a friendly pat on the ass, “Enjoy yourself Susan, and, Welcome.”

Enjoy herself? The first blow of the ruler landed with a crack on her upturned buttocks and Susan shivered in decadent, depraved pleasure. She would most definitely enjoy herself.

I hope you enjoyed this! Don't forget to post a comment for a chance to win one of three great prizes!


AmyC said...

LMAO!! That was great!! You are awesome Lila!! And thank you for not making me wait all morning! You posted nice and early!!

Lasair said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lasair said...

...I wonder what happened to my other post. *looks up* hmm.

Great Lila! I wavered between Oo's and lol's the whole way thru. It left me with a craving for eye-candy. XD

T.A.Chase said...

Very nice, Lila. I see you have a knack for these kind of stories. :)

Anonymous said...

Morning was gr8! Simply HILARIOUS!! Can I be invited to the playroom? Thanx 4 the post! Have a gre8 day!

Jen said...

Lila, that story was great. I was laughing through the whole thing. I wish I could create some new kind of toy from my computer. ; -)

Anna said...

Hi Lila....

OMG! LMAO! How very naughty. Hehe! That was great.


Stephanie*magic* said...

LMAO!!!!Lila,that was great!
I loved that Rohaj was in it! :)
When we getting book 2 woman?!lol.
Was so funny to see who was gonna be next in the story*chuckle*Thanks Lila.That was a thuroughly entertaining read!

Kortne said...

Wow,, Im NEARLY speechless.. lol Just what i needed to start off my day anal beads!I loved the story it was great. I laughed the whole time .. That would actually make a good book if u had more to go with it lol..I think im addicted to spankings!!!It was awesome lila u rock!

Christine said...

I would say LMAO... but my A is a tad sore... so I'm just gonna have to go with LOL!! Very funny, Lila. Anyone heard from Susan yet? ;)

Tracy said...

LMAO!!! OMG Lila that was awesome! It was so cool to see my forum friends having some fun! And it's about time Steph whips those hubby's into shape! :) Great job chickie!

Lila Dubois said...

Hello Ladies (and TA)

I'm glad you all enjoyed the story, I hope it brightened your day!

Stacy L. said...

OMG! That was awesome Lila!

Kat said...


You're so awesome Lila! It definitely brightened my day :)

faerydragon said...

That was great Lila!!! I'm very glad I waited until I got home to read it. If I read that at work and started laughing I would have had people looking over my shoulder and that would have been very VERY bad!


Cathy said...

Wow, totally hot. Have Forbidden on my wish list and would love to win it.

Amy S. said...

That was great!

playful frog said...

Oh, Lila, that was great! Has your imagination been registered as a dangerous weapon yet? I mean that in a good way, of course.

Anonymous said...

OMG! Lila that was great! I've had a crappy day at work and this was just what I needed for a good laugh!

littlelamblst said...

Lila, you are a very entertaining hostess to your guests. Hoping for an invite to the mansion some day...though hubby might not like that. Hmmm...perhaps I will just continue to enjoy your fun adventuresome posts!

Susan said...

ROFLMAO!!!That was GREAT! Lila, thank you for such an exciting tour through the Pleasure Palace. I would have been here sooner but I didn't want to leave the Actually I was at work and it's a good thing I didn't have the chance to read your story before work...I'd have been in T-R-O-U-B-L-E, because I would have shown all my girls in the lab...hehe. Thanks for the welcome Lila.(Also thanks to the rest of the Jacki's loonies.) Oh Lila, you have me pegged right, I am a Hussy and enjoyed every moment in your Pleasure Palace with my new friends.(skipping away happily to the library to do some..ahem reading);)

Rhian / Crowwoman said...

***Screaming Loudly***
You. Gave. My. Rohaj. Away?!?!
Lila!! *sobbing* How could you?

Lila said...


hmmm maybe shouldn't have linked over here off my own blog



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