The Doubt of the Benefit

Right. So I have this complicated situation you've all been following and I didn't want to blog about it anymore because, frankly, I am certain you all have enough of your own drama and certainly don't need mine.

But here's the deal. There was one little loose end I had to attend to. I had to sit my little girl down and talk to her. I had to make her understand that it is not okay for anyone, not even an adult, to tell her to lie to me or keep a secret from me.

Now my 'friend' had wanted to sit down with her as well, and I am glad I said no. I didn't want her to feel like she was in trouble. I started off with my gentle little lecture and then said, "Now tell me exactly what was said." (See my GF had said B had misheard her. That she had been talking to her own daughter about hiding it from her daughter's grandmother because she didn't want to catch grief. B must have misunderstood.)

B is seven. And guileless. So she shrugs and says, "Well, she said not to tell you about Keith because it was none of your business."

Well, heck. That sounds very specific to me. And like something a grown-up would say.

"Okay..." I stop a moment to hide my seething reaction. "Well, are you sure she meant me?"

"Yup. She meant you," B said.

Thinking about my exchange in the parking lot with this GF when I confronted her, I now have to call everything into question again.

"You guys didn't go to the carnival with Keith did you? I mean, you went and just bumped into him." (GF swore up and down this is what happened)

"Yeah. We went with him."

"Wait...you mean he was in my car?" (I loan her my car whenever she needs it and my one exemption very specifically was that he was NEVER to be in my car. EVER)

"Yeah." B said. She shrugs. "He was sitting in the front seat."

"While she was driving?"

"Uh huh. Drinking beer. And she drank beer too and then they kissed and hugged a lot in front of us."

*SCREECH!*

My mental brakes slammed down, if for nothing else than to keep my plummeting belly from actually hitting the floor. Now until this moment my anger and hurt have been directed toward the woman in question. She fooled me. She fooled everyone I introduced her to! She is imminently believable. Wow. She is missing a fabulous career on the stage. But now I am utterly horrified with myself. WTF kind of a mother am I?? I just spent the past six months letting my child drive around with this...this....creature!

"Wait a minute," I ask, because I have to make absolutely sure I should be exiled from motherhood forever. "It's okay for adults to drink beer, B. But...was she drinking beer and driving the car? Do you mean right after she drank it or at the same time?" As if one is worse than the other!

"Both."

And now I have no right to my child and no right to own my gorgeous RAV 4. I had already suspected as much about the car after this same GF left the windows open TWICE in the rain and drowned the interior...but I am forgiving and all that liberal good-hearted crap.

I abhor people who drink and drive. My contempt of this is deeply felt. As much as anyone's I imagine. But my CHILD was in the back seat at the time. Hell...HER child was in the back seat at the time!

Now I have to explain to my child how many ways of WRONG that was. How dangerous it was and why. How dangerous Keith is and why. Now I have to tell her to stay away from her best friend, that whole house....everything! And now I want to beat the spit out of the woman who forced me into this position. I should say women. I blame myself as well. She is seven! SEVEN!!! She lost her cousin Ricky to a drunk driver when she was six...and now this?

It's a wonder I have any hair left in my head. All I can hope is that this has taught B never to conceal things from me. Once she began telling me this and realized I wasn't mad at HER and that I was going to protect her and that I wasn't going to let my GF get mad at her ("If I tell you, you will tell her and she'll get mad at me."), she got on a roll.

"They left us in a field and made us go far in the tall grass by these trees and they was kissing all the way back in the car and not watching us and we coulda got stoled."

Well, at least she has grasped just how much danger this person has consistently put her in.

I feel better already.