Thursday, July 5, 2007

The Doubt of the Benefit

Right. So I have this complicated situation you've all been following and I didn't want to blog about it anymore because, frankly, I am certain you all have enough of your own drama and certainly don't need mine.

But here's the deal. There was one little loose end I had to attend to. I had to sit my little girl down and talk to her. I had to make her understand that it is not okay for anyone, not even an adult, to tell her to lie to me or keep a secret from me.

Now my 'friend' had wanted to sit down with her as well, and I am glad I said no. I didn't want her to feel like she was in trouble. I started off with my gentle little lecture and then said, "Now tell me exactly what was said." (See my GF had said B had misheard her. That she had been talking to her own daughter about hiding it from her daughter's grandmother because she didn't want to catch grief. B must have misunderstood.)

B is seven. And guileless. So she shrugs and says, "Well, she said not to tell you about Keith because it was none of your business."

Well, heck. That sounds very specific to me. And like something a grown-up would say.

"Okay..." I stop a moment to hide my seething reaction. "Well, are you sure she meant me?"

"Yup. She meant you," B said.

Thinking about my exchange in the parking lot with this GF when I confronted her, I now have to call everything into question again.

"You guys didn't go to the carnival with Keith did you? I mean, you went and just bumped into him." (GF swore up and down this is what happened)

"Yeah. We went with him."

" mean he was in my car?" (I loan her my car whenever she needs it and my one exemption very specifically was that he was NEVER to be in my car. EVER)

"Yeah." B said. She shrugs. "He was sitting in the front seat."

"While she was driving?"

"Uh huh. Drinking beer. And she drank beer too and then they kissed and hugged a lot in front of us."


My mental brakes slammed down, if for nothing else than to keep my plummeting belly from actually hitting the floor. Now until this moment my anger and hurt have been directed toward the woman in question. She fooled me. She fooled everyone I introduced her to! She is imminently believable. Wow. She is missing a fabulous career on the stage. But now I am utterly horrified with myself. WTF kind of a mother am I?? I just spent the past six months letting my child drive around with this...this....creature!

"Wait a minute," I ask, because I have to make absolutely sure I should be exiled from motherhood forever. "It's okay for adults to drink beer, B. But...was she drinking beer and driving the car? Do you mean right after she drank it or at the same time?" As if one is worse than the other!


And now I have no right to my child and no right to own my gorgeous RAV 4. I had already suspected as much about the car after this same GF left the windows open TWICE in the rain and drowned the interior...but I am forgiving and all that liberal good-hearted crap.

I abhor people who drink and drive. My contempt of this is deeply felt. As much as anyone's I imagine. But my CHILD was in the back seat at the time. Hell...HER child was in the back seat at the time!

Now I have to explain to my child how many ways of WRONG that was. How dangerous it was and why. How dangerous Keith is and why. Now I have to tell her to stay away from her best friend, that whole house....everything! And now I want to beat the spit out of the woman who forced me into this position. I should say women. I blame myself as well. She is seven! SEVEN!!! She lost her cousin Ricky to a drunk driver when she was six...and now this?

It's a wonder I have any hair left in my head. All I can hope is that this has taught B never to conceal things from me. Once she began telling me this and realized I wasn't mad at HER and that I was going to protect her and that I wasn't going to let my GF get mad at her ("If I tell you, you will tell her and she'll get mad at me."), she got on a roll.

"They left us in a field and made us go far in the tall grass by these trees and they was kissing all the way back in the car and not watching us and we coulda got stoled."

Well, at least she has grasped just how much danger this person has consistently put her in.

I feel better already.


Kack said...

That is a parent's worst nightmare, but you handled it beautifully! My kids are 10 and 6 and I hope I could be that rational. Poor little girl- but at least she got tangible proof of how much you love her and want to protect her. Too bad all that righteous anger couldn't manifest itself somehow like Noah's (mean, I know, one should put kids in danger)!

Pamk said...

whoops I was afraid of that. Sounds like this woman absolutely no concept of right or wrong.
beer is all fine and good if your at home or out with a sober driver But to drive my child around drinking and then let the children do what they want just to fool around with that thing. I agree you need ot beat the spit out of someone. And it should be her. You are too trusting and she took advantage.

L2 said...

I think you do need to blog about this - you need the support of people around you right now.

You are NOT a bad mother. You have the information now to protect your child. You won't entrust either her or your vehicle to this woman again. That makes you a GOOD mother.

Being conned is not a reflection on you - it happens to all of us at one point or another. I'm sorry that you had to go through this, but consider what could have happened - and know that it won't happen now because you will do what is necessary to protect the child entrusted to you.



Deidre said...

Oh Jacki, that is horrible! You are not horrible, you just want to believe the best in others. You have now taken steps to get the true information and will keep B safe, you ARE a GREAT mother! Keep your chin up, stay away from nasty, lying face and know that B knows how much you love her and want her safe. Keep posting if you need to vent, we are here for you.
Remember, in 22 more days you will be up here in Canada and having a wonderful vacation!
Take care chickie!

CinnamonGirl said...

Wow! I'm so sorry this thing just keeps getting worse for you! But, don't blame yourself for something that you didn't know. It sounds like you're a wonderful, loving mother & the fact that your daughter felt comfortable & protected enough to open up to you like she did is proof of that! I wish there were a way to press charges on people who endanger children like your ex-friend did, but the laws make it so hard. It's disgraceful. It sounds like her child is in great danger, too. Well, I'm wishing you well and hoping that things start getting brighter for you. You deserve that! Take Care ~ Ness

Stacy L. said...

OMG!!! That is all I'm saying. Oh, and I'm so happy you will be moving soon and will be far, far away from that woman.

Anna said...

OMG!!! That is soo wrong in soo many ways. I'd be ranting and raving myself. You have every right to be PO'd! *HUGS*

Ange said...

This makes me freaking SICK to my stomach!

I've got a metal bat and a hardcore case of rage for this chick. I can be there in 20 hours. Whaddya say?

OR we could sic Kore on her... she's closer than me. I bet her and Amy could do some damage. LOL!

Tracy said...

Holy crap Jacki! I'm so sorry that this is happening! It IS a parent's worst nightmare but I think you handled things with B perfectly! Hang in there and if you need the flaming torches we can be there in no time!

Yadira said...

As a mother I agree with your feelings completely, your child is the most precious gift God can grant a woman. People often compared a mother with a lioness because we'll do anything to protect our child. You should not feel that it's your fault that your child was put in a bad sitution. You trusted your GF and she as a mother should have protected her child and yours. I hope that you speak your mind to your GF and express how mad you are at her and distance yourself and your child from her. Its sad that someone you trusted would encourage your daughter to lie to you, that's just wrong in so many ways. I tell my six year old daughter that no matter what she doesn't keep things to herself, she needs to tell me everything because I'm not just mommy, I'm also her best friend just like she's mine. I hope everything goes well for you.

faerydragon said...

I'm so sorry that your friend did that to you. It is unthinkable to put a child at risk that way. My kids are 8, 7, and 2 and have never been left with someone other than family. But I, unfortunatly, don't fully trust anyone and I don't know if I can. I hope this doesn't happen to you. There are good people out. Just most are hidding from all the ones who suck!!!!!
I hope when you are here in Mass next week that you will have a good time. And your vacation is coming up soon and you can get away from all this soon!

Kore Eileithyia said...

What a fucking BITCH! She has B lie to you. She stole from you. She dicked around with your car. Shes been sneakin in your appt when you arent home!
AH hunny IF I can do ANYTHING let me know...k.

Divineway said...


You better than me. I would have already kicked her ass into next year. No, violence is not the solution but she needs to get served a lesson. For real..

It's not even me and I'm pissed off!!!

Hang strong, yo. Hang Strong.

Stephanie*magic* said...

OMG Jacki!!!!
I missed alot I see.
I'm so glad B is ok!!
You handled it well my dear!
I agree that she took advantage.
You have such a kind heart.Her
bad for miss using your trust!
Your so good for B hon.
Take care both of you!


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