okay. let me explain, in spite of the self-explanatory nature of the title.
i lost all cable, phones and internet yesterday, one of the prices you pay for having everything through digital cable. if one goes out they all go out. so that means i have to use my cell to fix the problem and call cable company x. now you have to understand that i have no cell reception in my house, so i have to go outside to get a signal.
it was bleeding effing hot in new york yesterday. i know, arizona has 115 degrees in the shade....but that's their problem. it was 94 degrees out and that is just hot. i hate the heat. if i can avoid it at all, i will not step a single foot outside in all of the summer. it makes me sweat. i hate sweat. it makes me sick, aggravating my fibromyalgia. it makes me irritable. and i am so pale that five seconds in the sun gives me second degree sunburn. so here i am sweat my fat tushy off screaming at the voicemail as it transfers me to manhattan voicemail (i live in the catskills) and am forced to listen to the long long loooooooong loooooooooong list of outages in manhattan, the bronx, queens....you get the idea.
so i am reduced to screaming and cussing like a crazed lunatic in the broiling hot parking lot. then when i get a live person i can't seem to get them to grasp the concept of NO CELL RECEPTION IN THE HOUSE!!! as they continually ask me to check this and that piece of equipment for this and that reset button...I AM OUTSIDE YOU MORON!!! outside standing in the broiling heat in the center of the blacktop which is emanating even more heat.
so finally i find out that there is outages and oh well wait for the service guy tomorrow. i walk into the house and...the cable is working.
except, of course, the internet, which is so vital to my junkie existence. the only way to survive this catastrophic event is to play one of my mindless games from the accursed oberon media collection, my second junkie addiction, which is like being on the computer on the internet and an adequate substitute, at least for stopgap purposes.
now comes time to take B, heretofore referred to as "the ungrateful child", to horseback riding. i don't want to quit the game--forgetting that they now all have automatic save on exit--so i leave the computer on and open. after an hour of watching the UC do her thing in the comfort of my AC in the car, we head back home where i stagger in drooling need back to my laptop and find...
that i have fat-assed cats. no one else was in the house, the lock being changed after the whole medication fiasco. so when i see my keyboard on the laptop has been SHATTERED, there is only one culprit. or rather four. one of four. someone jumped or fell onto the damn thing and shattered the keys! the enter, quote and brackets keys are totally MIA. the shift key and question mark are snapped into bits! you may have noticed the lack of caps in this posting. i am a right handed shifter...so i can't coordinate caps...and left handed shifting requires a complex process of thought and motor control. i am a left handed spaz. thus, i am leading a cap-less existence.
fat ass cats. now, the culprit...how to figure it out. (this is not going to change the inevitable, but it makes me feel better...i think...because i have to have someone to blame other than my dumb ass who left the computer open.) the first and obvious suspect is damien. damien is sixteen lbs on a light day. he is also a horrid clutz. in fact, none of my cats are graceful. but damien is aware of his bulk and gracelessness and so is very careful to pick and choose where he lands.
then we have leo. leo weighs in at a mere 12lbs, but he also loves the highest perch on the cat tree in spite of the fact that he insists on rolling around up there like a spaz (he gets it from his mother) until he plummets gracelessly to the ground. he is a definite possibility.
nino...i least suspect. he actually has grace...more or less...but he is a decent 13 to 14 lbs on his own. and nikki is the lightest...a mere 9 lbs...but by far the one most likely to NOT look where he is going. he hates being crowded or touched by the others and if they get too close he freaks out and springs in any direction he thinks will get him away fast enough and far enough.
*sigh* an exercise in futility. none of this changes the fact that i must call dell hell. and anyone who has followed my blogs knows how i feel about calling or chatting with dell customer service. and to add perspective to the cable call, dell was a pleasant experience after that. the new kb is on the way. so...i will be capless and questionless for a while.
i think i might survive. i am not certain. please send chocolate.