Thursday, September 6, 2007

A Polite Southern Woman...I am not!

Howdy gang!

Phew. I wish I could say all this mess was finished and done with, but it isn't. I must say, there is certainly a learning curve when it comes to buying and then occupying a new house. At first I was so proud of myself for making it through the loan process and the trip down here and remembering a long list of things to do with a brain, frankly, with maybe three functioning memory cells remaining. Yay me! I remembered the cats. Yay! I remembered the child! YAY!! I remembered to turn on the electric and the phone/cable/wireless which is allowing me to write to you tonight. YAY me!

Okay enough of that. So I forgot a few things along the way. Who cares? Right? No one really needs the gas turned on...hot water is seriously overrated. Water in and of itself...well, at least I had it still in spite of not switching it to my name. Remember, I am a long long long time apartment owner. We don;t pay for all these little details. Hey, I was thrilled to find a subdivision where for 60 bux a month they do your lawn for you (weed whacking and all!) and take the trash away! Ha! Closest thing to a condo a gal can get. Only...I can keep the cats. Right? Oh and I can yell and not worry someone will hear me. Well...once I get furniture in here. The echo off these ceilings is ridiculous. But what I truly forgot...or rather did not grasp the concept of, is just how much furniture a three bedroom house is going to require.

Oh shit. And I have Ethan Allen taste on an author's budget. Ruh roh.

On the plus side, I got the former owner's dining set for a steal. On the minus side, I hate the rugs. I want wood floors and I want them NOW. Hell, every time I step out of the dining room my foot hits the tacking strip under the rug and I can feel it straight through. And don't you know, I never EVER seem to miss the damn thing. Damien already tore up the rug in my soon-to-be-okay-maybe-not-cuz-I-can't-afford-a-desk office. My bedroom is an ugly gold color and the bathroom a fashionable shit brown. I mean seriously...who paints a bathroom shit brown? There has to be a joke here somewhere. But otherwise they had great taste in paint. Wish I could say the same for Bianca. No amount of coaxing is going to get me out of painting that room of hers pink and purple. Luckily she let me choose the shades. I chose the fairest of pastels so it wouldn't hurt so much, but I have a feeling it's going to look like a nursery once the white furniture comes. (Ethan Allen. ADORABLE!!! And quite capable of growing with her and putting up guests. Hint hint, Laura, Tanya, Renee...everyone!)

Looks like I will be the last to get anything (well, discounting the new BBQ and the washer and dryer and the HD TV-40 inches!! WOOWOO! Size does matter!!) as far as household furnishings are concerned. I got B a queen sized bed in the hopes that finally she will stop rolling off and hitting the floor. HEh. I'll let you know. Her bathroom is simple and Victorian in decor...little roses. She wasn't pleased. She wanted a cross between Sponge Bob and Fairies.

Umm...I think NOT. Yes, yes I am mean. Yes, I never get you anything. Yes, I am no fun. Now move over so I can sleep in the only bed in the house, under your new bedding, staring at your new school clothes, your DS Lite, your DVR, your...well, let's just say I have good cause for buying B clothes stamped with SPOILED, PRINCESS and BRAT on them. Hehehe.

I have only been in the house 36 hours or so and already met half the moms on the block and feel highly inadequate. Their homes are darling...I don't do darling. I do solid, matching, and utilitarian....liberally decorated with cat themed items. Oh the pressure! Just slap my ass and call me Gerard Butler, I am as Spartan as they come. Well...unless we talk books. Yeah. No Spartan going on there. And hey, WTF am I going to do with all my erotica I used to keep front and center on the bookcases?

Hehehe...why, keep it there, of course. Better to weed out the prissy sorts right off the top.

Complaint Department:
How can we help you?
Uhh...my washer and dryer fixtures are...well, how to say this...fucked.
Ma'am, what do ya'll mean by...umm...that?
I mean I bought two gorgeous front loading machines, paid a fortune for the pedastals to raise those puppies up so I wouldn;t have to bend over when doing my own wash in my own home for the first time in years, only come to find out the washer is on the dryer side and the dryer on the washer side so that the doors in the front of the machines hit back to back.
Back to back, Ma'am?
Yes, as in I can't unload the washer and toss it into the dryer! The doors are in the way! I have to drop it in a basket, close the door to one machine, open the other, bend over and load the dryer.
Wow, Ma'am. That's totally fucked!
That's all I'm sayin'!

Moving truck comes tomorrow. I bet this REALLY gets fun now!

BTW, I am loving every minute of this.

see you guys soon,
hugs and kitties
Jacki

13 comments:

Susan said...

It gets better Jacki...LOL. You'll be surprised at how quickly you can fill a 3 BR house. I was. I don't know what to tell you about the washer/dryer problem except maybe check the store and see if they take returns if you're not satisfied. Maybe you can find another one that will work in that space and they'll let you swap out the W/D.

Hope all goes smoothly with the rest of your move and that your movers are hunky..;)

Stephanie*magic* said...

lmao!!!
So glad your moved Jacki!!!
Shopping is so fun :D
I'd leave the erotica too,he he he!!!
Like ya said,you'll find out whos cool and not fast that way,lol!!
I had a hard time with the water/garbage thing when I moved into this condo.For 9 years before that I didnt have to pay that crap. Was like,great,another 2 bills,lol!!!!
Hope everything works out to your and B's liking!!!
Great to hear from you!!
Take care!!!

AmyC said...

Jacki!! I have been thinking about you and your house and I am sooo glad that you are moved in and getting settled. Just whatever you do DONT FORGET ABOUT RAW next week!! LOL And if the neighborhood moms don't like the erotica....well, I feel bad for their husbands!! hehe!! ;)

Shlindrea said...

It's nice to know I'm not the only one having "1st time home owner" issues! I hear screaming actually works when freaking out! And if you need furniture, alabeit a little beat up from the move, feel free to drop by, I have more stuff then room now. LMAO.

(Ada)lgisa Lato-Esposito said...

Hey Jacki...I feel ur pain...it's a real pain in the a** when it comes 2 new homes (I think every1 will agree)...all the sh** that comes w/ it...seems like a never ending nightmare..but must say everything does turn out gre8 & u'll amaze urself at how dame good u will become handling all household issues. Try 2 relax & enjoy the hottie movers!! Have a gre8 weekend!
Ada:)

QB said...

Jacki, this is very important--- your dryer door should be reversible. I've never come across one that wasn't. That won't help your washer door problem though because I don't THINK those are reversible. But at least that will be one less problem out of your way. Although you might check and see if there is a longer hose available so you can just reverse the positions of the two machines.

Oh, and welcome to the wonderful world of home ownership. Now that you've been lured into the club, we can fill you in on the BIG SECRET-- owning a home is one royal pain in the ass followed by yet another one.

The absolute best you can hope for is that the problems will remain sequential rather than simultaneous.

Oh, and if there just happens to NOT be any problems at a particular point in time, you will decide to redecorate or make improvements, thereby insuring that you have a steady supply of headache inducements. Enjoy! ;D

Jen said...

Hey Jacki. I was a little overwhelmed when I bought my house. It will get better in time once you get all settled in. I just learned that you can't do everything at one time or you'll just wear yourself out.

I had to laugh at your neighbor ladies. Sounds like you might have found a nest of pearl wearing Junior Leaguers. They are cute and precious and, quite frankly, the most fun to mess with. ;-) I'd definitely leave the erotica out front and center.

Pamk said...

lol Sounds like your having fun. And yeah the washer dryer needs to be switched out. If they company you bought them from won't come and set them up the way you want them. I demand my money back and find someone who could and would.
I agree keep the erotica front and center. If they don't like they can always go back to their own house. Can't wait to see you at RAW next weekend.

Robin Snodgrass said...

I remember moving into my first house as a new wife. It seemed that no matter how much I got done or bought, there was always something else that I needed. It does eventually get filled though and you'll wonder how to get MORE ROOM! I need a bigger house now just because of my books...lol

Congrats on the move and keep on enjoying every minute of it!!

Pat said...

just think of all the more you have for books. more world for the kids to play

Pat said...

every body will love you bvecause of your books

Stephanie*magic* said...

They'll love ya cause your an awesome,down to earth lady!!
If their to shallow to see that then F them! :D

jabberwookie said...

Ok here is the important stuff...Where to find Books...

Jacksonville Mall...Tunnel/Beuachatcher Rd(spelling bad--sorry)...Books-a-million, Barnes and Noble..in mall Borders I think...There maybe a walden books somewhere, UNCA bookstore..., Unca library sometimes has book sales, Used book stores all over the place...Oh there is a couple of bookstores downtown as well(on the road where the civic center is).

 

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